"Are you here for the teachings?" A simple question
"No, I live here." I replied
You would think such a simple question would not even raise an eyebrow in this part of the world, and to be honest, for the unknowing question asker, it didn't. But it certainly raised mine. "I live here". It is the first time in close to 2 years I have had a place to call home. I guess this place has always felt like home to me, from the moment I stepped off the bus back in Feb 2011 in the wee hours of the morning I knew this place was kinda special. But uttering those 3 simple words fills me with so much emotion it is weird. Emotions that are new and interesting or perhaps they are simply old and familiar but my outlook has shifted as I watch them arise - watching them play themselves out, detached in a way but in other more connected than I have ever been before.
Maybe it sounds like I am talking in riddles, but before I left Sydney I remember saying to my sister "I feel numb". Sydney had been wonderful in so many ways, but it also left me feeling, well, numb. I felt disconnected to me, I was on auto pilot and it was easy, but something didn't quite fit. Unable to truly feel, occupied with distractions and the way of life that I never stopped, never spent time reflecting, never sat still for a moment. Back here though my feeling is slowly but surely shifting, moving back into the space of gratitude and wonderment and awe. Noticing stuff, appreciating the little things and grinning from ear to ear like a small child each and every day. Granted I had let my practice go by the wayside in Sydney and perhaps it is back into a regular daily routine of gentle asana (the body is still adjusting to the 333 steps I climb each day) but the coming back to my breath, of sitting and allowing my mind to come to stillness, the power of simply observing. All things that connect me back in. That bring me back to me, that allow me to feel alive.
It is hard to pin point the actual combination of things that connect me back, that make me feel alive, that smooth out the numbness and breath life back into my eyes, my body, my mind. Is it the daily practice, is it the immersion in teachings of the Buddha, is it the crisp mountain air, or perhaps the simplicity of the Tibetan people....or maybe a careful blend of all of the above. Who knows, but it is nice to feel back, to feel at home, to feel me.
So those 3 little words "I live here" were like my gauge, my point in time where I felt pride and joy, of hope and gratitude and that feeling of being exactly where I need to be :)
"No, I live here." I replied
You would think such a simple question would not even raise an eyebrow in this part of the world, and to be honest, for the unknowing question asker, it didn't. But it certainly raised mine. "I live here". It is the first time in close to 2 years I have had a place to call home. I guess this place has always felt like home to me, from the moment I stepped off the bus back in Feb 2011 in the wee hours of the morning I knew this place was kinda special. But uttering those 3 simple words fills me with so much emotion it is weird. Emotions that are new and interesting or perhaps they are simply old and familiar but my outlook has shifted as I watch them arise - watching them play themselves out, detached in a way but in other more connected than I have ever been before.
Maybe it sounds like I am talking in riddles, but before I left Sydney I remember saying to my sister "I feel numb". Sydney had been wonderful in so many ways, but it also left me feeling, well, numb. I felt disconnected to me, I was on auto pilot and it was easy, but something didn't quite fit. Unable to truly feel, occupied with distractions and the way of life that I never stopped, never spent time reflecting, never sat still for a moment. Back here though my feeling is slowly but surely shifting, moving back into the space of gratitude and wonderment and awe. Noticing stuff, appreciating the little things and grinning from ear to ear like a small child each and every day. Granted I had let my practice go by the wayside in Sydney and perhaps it is back into a regular daily routine of gentle asana (the body is still adjusting to the 333 steps I climb each day) but the coming back to my breath, of sitting and allowing my mind to come to stillness, the power of simply observing. All things that connect me back in. That bring me back to me, that allow me to feel alive.
It is hard to pin point the actual combination of things that connect me back, that make me feel alive, that smooth out the numbness and breath life back into my eyes, my body, my mind. Is it the daily practice, is it the immersion in teachings of the Buddha, is it the crisp mountain air, or perhaps the simplicity of the Tibetan people....or maybe a careful blend of all of the above. Who knows, but it is nice to feel back, to feel at home, to feel me.
So those 3 little words "I live here" were like my gauge, my point in time where I felt pride and joy, of hope and gratitude and that feeling of being exactly where I need to be :)
3 comments:
You are where you need to be, my dear! Say hi to the folks back home! Also, thanks for sharing the info about the LBWF.
More later (I'm at work getting nothing done!)
Delighted to hear that you have reconnected with your practice lovely, healthy to have a break, healthy to come back to it! I am day dreaming more and more of India, reading this inspires me more, hopefully we can Skype soon! xx
@ John, will do, and looking forward to seeing you in Dec.
@ Kate, yes!! Lets talk soon, and you should come visit :)
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