"So this is Xmas...

 And what have we done? Another year, over and a new one just begun...”

Such great words to summarise this time of year, Christmas for me really signifies the end of the year. The closing down of one chapter and the opening of a new one. A time to stop and reflect back, to look at how you have spent your year, and for me it is usually then filled with “what the hell HAVE I done this year?” This year, I have to admit, is one of the first times I can look back and safely say “Wow, I did that!?!?” filled with some awe, some disbelief and even a tinsy bit of pride. 

But first on to my Christmas celebrations and how I ended up sharing a beautiful day with some very special people. Christmas is about the people closest to you, about sharing time (and often lots of food) with your nearest and dearest. Being away, you really notice every single kilometre of distance. No amount of skype or phone calls will ever make up for the fact I can’t sit on the couch with my mum and chat about anything, I can’t reach over and touch my sisters now very pregnant belly (she has only 4 weeks to go), I can’t just be with my Dad enjoying a beautiful glass of red.  It is these times when you feel it. So I decided I could just pretend it was just any other day, or I could actually try and recreate something here in Mcleod Ganj. My dear friend Catherine decided to join me and we reunited in the place that started our friendship nearly one year ago. 

Christmas Crackers - preparation

 A mixed bunch of us met for Christmas lunch – a few of my Tibetan friends (who I met here in Feb), a few new ones and a couple of westerners I had met at Tushita. A great bunch of people to share a gorgeous sunshiney day over looking the mountains. I had stubbornly insisted on a cooked lunch and my guest house kindly allowed me the run of the kitchen. Nana’s Xmas pudding had been created a few days earlier and a friend had managed to get the oven in the kitchen working again – I am not sure if it had ever been used, but it managed to cook our leg of mutton (I think that is code for goat here) and roast vegies very nicely thank you very much. Loads of food, a few bottles of local wine and the day was complete. It was so lovely to share a western tradition with my Tibetan friends who had never celebrated Xmas before – we even managed a small Kris Kringle.  Not the same as being with family, but almost as good.

of course - good food

 So this is Xmas, it is not about the views, the gifts or even the food – the company and the people you share it with makes it special. I was lucky to have 9 old friends and new to be with on what could’ve been an incredibly lonely and even difficult day. But instead, I was surrounded by love, laughter and happiness. Memories that will be with me forever. It really was a fitting way to finish off  this year – a year that has disappeared before me and I find myself saying did that even happen? It almost seems surreal. I have visited 11 countries, met up with many old and dear friends, made many new life long friends, have stayed (mostly) true to my goal of “being in the flow” and embracing whatever has been presented to me. I have had too many beautiful moments to count, some days where I think I am crazy and I have totally lost the plot, but for the most part, it has been nothing short of amazing. Beyond comprehension in fact. I was talking to a friend the other day about the list of regrets that dying people have (you can see my last blog). And I was trying to explain the word regret to him (he is Tibetan so most conversations become an English lesson). And he asked if I was to die today, what would be my regrets....a profound question. I thought about it for not even a minute, and I said without hesitation. None. I have no regrets. I am living my regrets each and every day.

Good times, and good people, Xmas 2011

 Thank you 2011, you have been not only memorable, but life changing. I will no longer leave home without toilet paper, I can now sleep just about anywhere, I believe I truly realise how lucky I am to be born into a culture that allows me freedom and the right to chose, that places are amazing but people are life changing and that best lessons in life are life itself. Truly living. So thank you, the reader for joining me on my journey.....2012 will prove just as interesting as I have no set plans yet. I now head to the Kalachakra teachings with His Holiness (along with 200 000 other people) before heading south for some warmth in Goa. So this will be my last post this year....til we meet again! x

Rocking Chair Moments

Some days it all gets a bit too much – I wonder what am I doing? I mean seriously, I am 36, I am sitting in my room in India on cold afternoon feeling like I have no real purpose or direction in life.  No point in being here. It is days like this when I feel overwhelmed with life and when I have no stability, instead of the unbelievable freedom that normally surrounds me I feel crippled by the options. The choices. Sounds pathetic I realise, or perhaps even selfish. I have so many options! But then again I feel limited as my reality is I don’t have a “home” I don’t have a “job” I don’t have what you would call a conventional life per se. I have a nomadic life. A back pack full of things and some cash in the bank that allows me the opportunity to go where I want when I want. Bliss you would say, but today, it feels like hell. Uncertainty fills me and I hear a voice echo in my ears “what will you do when you get home” and I am not sure if it is the word “do”, the word “when” or the word “home” that triggers the fear – perhaps it is all 3. Reality is I am currently “doing” what  I want to be doing. The when, well, I am not sure what that even means anymore as I moved from traveling to living – when you are traveling there is a defined end date, but when you are living, well you are doing just that aren’t you. There is no finish. 

Sometimes things can be overwhelming, bigger than they truly are

I am not sure when that happened, the shift from traveling to living, but there was a point this year when I realised that I was no longer just traveling but rather I was living overseas. I am not even sure how to explain the difference. But it is different and my perspective has shifted with it.  The typical tourist trails do not interest me, the long days of sight seeing you can have. I like being somewhere. That is it. Just being here. And as ridiculous as it may sound, I am perfectly happy. I find things to fill in my day, I establish a little routine, find my favourite coffee shop and place to eat. I wake when I want and go to bed when I want. But I am never bored. I have not read as many books as I thought, nor have I maintained a regular practice of yoga and meditation which you would think given my lifestyle would be easy. I hang out with people that have a similar life style and it all seems perfectly normal.  And if I had a dollar for every person who has told me this year “I wish I had the courage to do what you are doing” I would not even need to worry about the dreaded bank balance.

Om mani padme hum.....beautiful therapy

May sound weird to those of you in the daily grind, filling in the day being busy, and maybe I am crazy. But being content with my own company, of allowing myself 2 hours to drink a coffee and read the paper, having a routine, or not, are all some of the simple pleasures that my life allows. So some days it is overwhelming , maybe like today. Uncertainty, expectations, pre-conceived ideas all fill my mind. But when I stop, reflect and even write about it like I am doing now, I think, would I be doing anything differently? And the answer is obvious, no, never, not in a million years. I love this, even with the uncertainty of my future, my lack of “career” and no ”home”.  I have freedom, I am following my dreams and doing what I want, I am being me. I read a list of the top 5 things people who are dying say they regret.

1.  I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2.  I wish I had not worked so hard
3.  I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
4.  I wish I had stayed in contact with my friends
5.  I wish I had let myself be happier.

Well, it was perhaps a good reality check for me as I dwelled on the “oh woe me” day, I am not far from living my life like this list.  But some days, even when you have the life of Riley, you can still have days like this where things all get a bit too much. That list though was my saving grace, so no regrets. And as my dear friend Di would say it is a rocking chair moment - "would you be in rocking chair wondering what it I had only?" So no rocking chair moments for me.

My Guy

One of the joys of traveling is meeting new and interesting people – wherever you go you find like minded people (unfortunately as well as your fair share of idiots), but on a whole, people tend to make a place. I have been so blessed to meet amazing people along the way – old friends and new have made each meeting unique and memorable in so many ways. As a solo female traveller, you can find your self in many interesting situations but looking back, I have been incredibly fortunate that nearly every step of the way I have found myself surrounded by kind, good natured people that have my best interests at heart. And in most cases they happen to be male.....Funny for me as an independent chic who likes to take responsibility for herself and certainly does not need “looking after”....I have to admit I have quite enjoyed having “my guy” in each place that can help me sort anything and everything from a local SIM card to travel arrangements or even just carry your bag.

I am currently back in Mcleod Ganj in India, a place I just love and feel at home in. Partly because of the place, but mostly because of the people, and I have been reminded again, of how lucky I am to have come in contact with awesome people.  So I started making a list –  and I decided to share this with you as a way of showing gratitude to the number of guys that have helped me in some way along my path. I apologise in advance for anyone I have omitted, and chances are most of them on here will not ever read this....but here it goes anyway:

Manzor

Shyam

 

Jose; Allepey India – for showing Bella and I true Keralan hospitality late one night, Manzor; Mcleod Ganj India – calling me to make sure I got home safely every night, Jamsheed; Mcleod Ganj India – bringing me steaming tea on cold night, Sherab; Mcleod Ganj India – saving me a seat at class everyday so I could be his teacher, Tsultrim; Mcleod Ganj India – warming my hands every time I saw him (first thing he did when I saw him again this time too, so sweet), Jamphel; Mcleod Ganj India – giving me the cakes that didn’t always work out, Ta Bo; Mcleod Ganj India – carrying my bag to the bus, yet again, and teaching me so much about myself...

Eddy

Pablo

Pablo; (Chile) Rishikesh, India, for the best foot massage, Amit; India – finding lost luggage, changing tickets, arranging buses and just about everything else, Shyam; Pokhara Nepal – for being the best little brother you could ask for, spending 7 hours on a bus just to come and see me, Narayan; Pokhara Nepal – taking hold of my back pack on a 30cm ice ledge on the trek and saying “I’ve got you” while we made our way down the scariest descent I have had, Paul (Sydney) Nepal/Tibet – one of the easiest travel partners, Eddie (Belgium) Nepal – being the most amazing gentleman,Ramesh; Kathmandu Nepal – sorting anything I could possibly ask for and introducing me to the Nepali night life, an experience I can assure you I will never forget, Atal; Kathmandu Nepal – being the cutest little cheeky monkey in the world (he is 2) and giving me the biggest cuddles every time I saw him totally unprompted, Juz (and Sar) London UK – for feeding me wine and pizza the moment I walked in the door, 

Ramesh

Anoj

Robert (and Ulla) Poznan Poland – showing me everything there is to see in Poznan,Johan (and Marie) Helsingborg Sweden – making me feel part of the family, Christian (from Sydney) Mexico – restoring my faith in Aussie boys that they can be kind, caring and just plain lovely, Pradeema; Kathmandu Nepal – for incredible hospitality during the festive season, Anoj; Kathmandu Nepal – shiva anunda, Amish; Kathmandu Nepal – making sure I have a roof over my head and an am welcomed “home”

 

And?? There are many lovely ladies that also have made my trip so far unforgettable, but I had to highlight in particular the boys. The guys that have been my fixer, my go to person, my friends in perhaps some of the most unusual situations with no expectations in return. Well, I have had marriage proposals from a few on the list, but then that is another story altogether :)  SO thank you to my guys, for being there, for caring, for helping me out and making me feel safe and secure.

I am dying....

Well, technically we all are – from the moment we are born we are merely making our way towards the inevitable. Death. It is certain. Yet we tend to overlook that fact, and live our lives like we have all the time in the world. In denial that the end will certainly happen and in most cases we don’t even have any real idea on when it will come.  My week at a Buddhist retreat certainly made me think about stuff and the impermanence of life is one of those things. Each morning when we awoke, we were encouraged to think “wow, I am alive”.  It sets the intention for your day and certainly gives you a whole new perspective on gratitude. 

7 days is not a whole lot of time to dive into the principles or concepts of Tibetan Buddhism, but my week with Ven  Robina Courtin certainly covered a lot of ground. Robina is a self confessed former catholic, hippy, feminist, lesbian, communist (and many other “ists” I can’t even recall) but 35 years ago discovered Tibetan Buddhism and like everything she did, came at it with all guns blazing. Unlike her other interests, this one stuck and within a year had taken her vows, shaved her head and donned the saffron robes and become a Buddhist Nun. It is difficult to find the right words for Robina – charismatic, energetic, straight forward and no bull shit are perhaps my words, but until you are in the presence of this tiny Aussie women, nothing really prepares you.  Sharing her wide and varied experience through her sharp and witty humour, she left the 80 of us in awe, inspired and to a certain degree challenged.  

 

This year I have found myself exploring many avenues of spirituality, interestingly it was not my original intention but somehow I have ended up meditating in an ashram in India, discussing the bible in a Christian camp in France, and studying Metaphysics from a Shaman in Guatemala. It seemed then appropriate to investigate Tibetan Buddhism given that His Holiness is someone I think is kind of interesting and the reading I had done in the past had sparked my curiosity. (Also an interesting fact that The Art of Happiness with The Dalai Lama was perhaps the first spiritual book I picked up more than 10 years ago and still remains of my favourite reads to this day).  And I was certainly not disappointed. The depth of the Buddhist religion is rich and inviting for a novice like me – you can use it rather like a smorgasbord picking out the bits you like and the bits you don’t, and as Robina stressed, try it, test, experience it all for yourself, don’t just believe what she or even the Buddha himself says. I like that. 

So after my brief time looking at my mind, bringing awareness to my attachments, attempting to understand wisdom and compassion, I am left with a new found respect for Buddhism. And of course for the amazing Venerable Robina Courtin  - and as she so eloquently put it, grow some balls and pull your finger out  - this stuff is not warm and fuzzy, it is damn hard work.  Pretty true of any practice in life I reckon. And the fact that I awoke this morning feeling lucky to be alive and to be experiencing these moments,  gives me renewed energy for being here, in this moment, right now. So try it tomorrow, wake up and say “wow, I am alive, I made it into another day” and see if it changes your day, it certainly did mine. 

Venerable Robina Courtin